Has anyone else noticed that this blog has been somewhat of a journal or diary for me? It wasn't supposed to work like that, but I think it actually helps me deal with whatever I am going through, so it shall continue. Sorry to those who don't want to read about it, but it should be easy to tell when I am going to talk about my emotions, so just skip the ones you don't care about. So let us begin...again...
Dear Diary, (because that is how these things are supposed to start)
As you may have been able to tell, I have been a little down lately. What you might not know is that I have been really struggling to leave the hostel, let alone my bed. It isn't because the places I am in are boring, it is just that I haven't wanted to move. I have eventually forced myself out of my hostel, but not until the afternoon. You lose a lot of exploring time this way (Duh!).
Anyway, last night, I had some free time, so I called to see if my parents were free to skype because I try to talk with them when I can (I know. I am such a good daughter hahaha) Anyway, they weren't free, but I talked with my mom on the phone for a bit. I told her that I was struggling to get out of bed and she said exactly what I didn't want to think about. She asked if I was depressed. Once she said it out loud, I couldn't ignore it. I am on the steep slopes of depression. It isn't something new, I have struggled with it for a good while, but it never seems to get easier to admit and deal with. I wouldn't say that I am actually full on depressed at this point, but I am on the edge where the next couple weeks will determine how the next few months go.
It is amazing how my mother, who is on the other side of the world, picks up on my depression within a few words. It is also amazing how it takes someone saying it aloud for me to fully admit the situation I am in. And now because this is in the open, I am fully opening the doors and windows and everything to tell the internets where I currently stand. So now that everyone knows what is happening in my head, let me talk about my game plan.
The game plan is important. It is a way to get out of anything from a minor funk to depression. My plan as it stands looks something like this:
Dear Diary, (because that is how these things are supposed to start)
As you may have been able to tell, I have been a little down lately. What you might not know is that I have been really struggling to leave the hostel, let alone my bed. It isn't because the places I am in are boring, it is just that I haven't wanted to move. I have eventually forced myself out of my hostel, but not until the afternoon. You lose a lot of exploring time this way (Duh!).
Anyway, last night, I had some free time, so I called to see if my parents were free to skype because I try to talk with them when I can (I know. I am such a good daughter hahaha) Anyway, they weren't free, but I talked with my mom on the phone for a bit. I told her that I was struggling to get out of bed and she said exactly what I didn't want to think about. She asked if I was depressed. Once she said it out loud, I couldn't ignore it. I am on the steep slopes of depression. It isn't something new, I have struggled with it for a good while, but it never seems to get easier to admit and deal with. I wouldn't say that I am actually full on depressed at this point, but I am on the edge where the next couple weeks will determine how the next few months go.
It is amazing how my mother, who is on the other side of the world, picks up on my depression within a few words. It is also amazing how it takes someone saying it aloud for me to fully admit the situation I am in. And now because this is in the open, I am fully opening the doors and windows and everything to tell the internets where I currently stand. So now that everyone knows what is happening in my head, let me talk about my game plan.
The game plan is important. It is a way to get out of anything from a minor funk to depression. My plan as it stands looks something like this:
- Get out of bed and get ready to start the day by 9am
- Find something to celebrate no matter how small (this morning it was that the hostel had dried apricots.)
- Walk around in the sunshine
- Smile even if you don't feel like it, but don't do that creepy smile that you do when you aren't actually happy
It isn't much to look at, but it is a start and that is what I need to do. This morning I was dressed and downstairs to buy breakfast in my hostel at 8:45. It was hard as hell to get out of bed, but here I am. I am up. I am present. I will be fine. I just need to work to get back to being fine.
No comments:
Post a Comment